A topic that has weighed heavily on my mind lately is faith. Not just faith in one aspect, but all that it entails. If I am to have faith in God then I am to love, forgive, serve others, worship, praise, be joyful and have peace, among other things.
I have been working on a talk for an upcoming girls retreat of sorts, and the topic I was given was faith. It called me to question what it is and whether or not I have it. It got my wheels turning on all sorts of queries.
Because of other events in my life that just so happened to coincide with the time I was preparing for this talk, I feel like I've just been repeatedly thrown against a wall. Now that sounds worse than it really is. Let me explain.
Over the past week or so, I've just been hitting a theological, philosophical, and psychological wall. Big words, I know. Actually, I had to use spellcheck for two of those.:)
But the point being, I feel like I've just really been rethinking life and my life in general. I've been wondering if the way that I lived before was only half living. I say that in the sense that I had not given every part of myself to God.
Since a major turning point in my life a couple of weeks ago, I have been able for the most part to get the obedience to God down. That is part of a life of faith; being completely devoted to Him. But I need the joy too. My life as a Christian shouldn't be completely restrictive. I shouldn't feel as though I've given all hope of fun away (which is not exactly what I feel like). I just feel that I need to know my calling. What God has intended for me to do.
I want my faith to be radical, while still living an ordinary life. I want to do the best with what I have been given and live to the fullest. I want to live a life in color, while still serving the Lord and following His plans.
I find this hard to do when I feel that there are so few good Christian teens in my area. Not many are on fire for God. I live in a small town and am not that close to any large areas. It's hard to feel like I'm doing this alone when I know that if I was somewhere else, I might have like-minded people to join me.
Right now I lead the quiet life of faith to God. I want to serve Him in big ways. I want to act on my faith. I don't want to live alone remaining steadfast. I want to experience things. I want to live life to the fullest, but live it for Him.
Sometimes, I feel that I have selfish desires, but this one doesn't seem that way. I genuinely want to live the life that He's given me in the best way possible. I want to make a difference. I want to grow my faith with like-minded people.
What you are reading now is just the incoherent overflow and outpouring of my mind and emotions. They have no structure and each thought is it's own, though every sentence builds upon the one before it. They follow my mind and wherever it wanders.
I have been rethinking my faith, and it causes me to question the way I live my life and the way that others live their lives. I think we need to serve more, love more, pray more, reach out more, give more, laugh more, try more, and live more. That is what a life of faith looks like.