I would be the first to tell you that I'm a doer. I'm a motivated person. The thought of setting goals and attaining them excites me. I even write down general goals and look back on them from time to time. I have a list from a few years ago that I'm still crossing goals off from. It took me that long to attain them.
For me, there's just something about orderliness that just makes me feel capable, like I have a purpose. I like to know what's going to happen and when and what's on the itinerary. I just want to be busy, to know what I'm doing.
I freak out without a plan. I must prepare in advance so that I can do my best. What if people saw me doing less? Would they make judgements of me?
I'm generally a stressed out person who just needs to let go. I need to just be.
I've always had a hard time connecting the dots in my faith. I know it all, but how does it work together? We are God's children but we are also to be slaves for Christ. We are to feel God, but what exactly does God feel like?
I've focused on doing it all. I need to be the total Christian package and be all put together. But that's exactly the problem, Christians are the least put together people. We are to be humble, we are less than God, we know that we make mistakes, we are running with abandon after our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
The way I look at things is the more I do, the more I make a difference. If I were to give all of my money away right now, I would be happier than if I didn't. I would know that I had made a difference, and that would be of far more value to me than money in my pocket.
Those feelings are good, but action without conviction from God is futile. I have realized that action is the second part of faith. First, we are to ground ourselves in Christ. Christ is first, others are second, I am third. I must put my relationship with Christ above anything I can do for others. I am a servant of Christ before others.
I have determined that what I must do is build my relationship with Christ. My longing for Him needs to increase. He is the lover of my soul and is worthy of my attentions. I need to talk less and listen more. Work less and worship more. I will not act, I will just be. "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7a
I or this verse is not encouraging complacency. Instead, it is being affirmed that just being (dwelling upon God through peaceful worship), is a holy place to be. In the Book, Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ Jean Guyone says, "While waiting, you are to pour out your love upon Him passionately, yet always peacefully."
I have determined not to focus on "winning prizes" for God, but rather, to give Him the prize that is my heart, by dwelling on Him. I will just be.